Tab is really unhappy with her job right now, and it is putting strain on things. She warned me when we where dating that when things got rough, she tended to bolt.
In fact, it was a point of amazement for her when we had our fight and she treated it as a speed bump in a longer road.
Yesterday, we had a tense conversation that dealt with Tab's frustrations, as detailed here.
However, this morning, in spite of all the issues, I found myself amazed that I am her husband, and loving her for who she is.
No resolution to her stress, or the issues surrounding it.
We haven't yet addressed the issue that brought this out.
Weird.
Showing posts with label love. Show all posts
Showing posts with label love. Show all posts
Monday, November 09, 2009
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Re-Discovery...
What is it about a second look? When someone changes themselves only slightly, and you see them again and rediscover something you've known, but had completely forgotten?
The familiar suddenly becomes exciting again. Things you accepted at face value suddenly gain a dimension to them. Whether a passage of Scripture that you've read time and time again gaining a new freshness due to personal circumstances, or seeing someone in a different light because of a seemingly small change in yourself or them.
All this to say: Tab wore a skirt today. Wow. Just...wow.
The familiar suddenly becomes exciting again. Things you accepted at face value suddenly gain a dimension to them. Whether a passage of Scripture that you've read time and time again gaining a new freshness due to personal circumstances, or seeing someone in a different light because of a seemingly small change in yourself or them.
All this to say: Tab wore a skirt today. Wow. Just...wow.
Monday, November 24, 2008
Reminders of the past...
This past weekend, I had a chance to re-connect with an old friend from High School that I haven't seen in 15 years, save a brief howdie in 1999.
Jason and I literally kept talking until 1:45 in the morning. Talking with him, I began to miss those days, and I couldn't figure it out. On the drive home, it hit me: It was the friendships.
There is something about being in a large cluster of friends everyday without much in the way of formality.
I remember being in a large group of friends in High school group, Jr. High, going to Camp Cedar Crest and hanging out, being crazy, and being free to be goofy with one another.
Dating usually meant you brought someone into your group of friends.
Nobody was really really dating seriously at that time (get real people), so the concept of isolation from one's friends because of a dating relationship was usually a sign of a high maintenance relationship that wasn't going to last summer or college separation.
Talking to Jason, I began to realize that the way he included people was the formation of my current desire to include people in everything I do.
But, most importantly, some of the pain of my arrival to Santa Barbara began to come into focus.
The part I miss most from High School times is the lack of pretense in relationships. The ability to simply be one's self around other people, and not put up an act to keep people from possibly being uncomfortable with so much personal knowledge of each other; Being transparent to friends you could trust implicitly, because you hadn't learned, or needed, to put up guards.
Every year for the past few years, I make a trek up to Stanford around Christmas-time to visit another old friend. I look forward to it all year, but it has always been more than just a chance to unwind. Talking with Jason, the reason became clear: I could be myself. This other friend (now married to a lovely young lady, equally as friendly) is much the same. There is no need to hide, put up barriers, etc. This is someone with whom I can be my silly, goofy self with, and there hasn't been a need to keep them at arm's length. I can be silly, goofy, and vulnerable without having to worry about being hurt.
At a wedding yesterday with Tab, I realized the extent that I had emotionally not allowed her words and actions to affect me, keeping her at arm's reach internally, despite her earnestly seeking me out. Interacting with her at the reception, now armed with this renaissance viewpoint, I think I fell in love with her a little more. I could be in real trouble here. :)
Side note: In talking with Jason I found out I unwittingly embarrassed him at a High School outing in front of a girl he was very interested in at the time. Evidently, it was so thorough that he didn't stand a chance. He can finally laugh about it now. I had no idea. Oops.
Jason and I literally kept talking until 1:45 in the morning. Talking with him, I began to miss those days, and I couldn't figure it out. On the drive home, it hit me: It was the friendships.
There is something about being in a large cluster of friends everyday without much in the way of formality.
I remember being in a large group of friends in High school group, Jr. High, going to Camp Cedar Crest and hanging out, being crazy, and being free to be goofy with one another.
Dating usually meant you brought someone into your group of friends.
Nobody was really really dating seriously at that time (get real people), so the concept of isolation from one's friends because of a dating relationship was usually a sign of a high maintenance relationship that wasn't going to last summer or college separation.
Talking to Jason, I began to realize that the way he included people was the formation of my current desire to include people in everything I do.
But, most importantly, some of the pain of my arrival to Santa Barbara began to come into focus.
The part I miss most from High School times is the lack of pretense in relationships. The ability to simply be one's self around other people, and not put up an act to keep people from possibly being uncomfortable with so much personal knowledge of each other; Being transparent to friends you could trust implicitly, because you hadn't learned, or needed, to put up guards.
Every year for the past few years, I make a trek up to Stanford around Christmas-time to visit another old friend. I look forward to it all year, but it has always been more than just a chance to unwind. Talking with Jason, the reason became clear: I could be myself. This other friend (now married to a lovely young lady, equally as friendly) is much the same. There is no need to hide, put up barriers, etc. This is someone with whom I can be my silly, goofy self with, and there hasn't been a need to keep them at arm's length. I can be silly, goofy, and vulnerable without having to worry about being hurt.
At a wedding yesterday with Tab, I realized the extent that I had emotionally not allowed her words and actions to affect me, keeping her at arm's reach internally, despite her earnestly seeking me out. Interacting with her at the reception, now armed with this renaissance viewpoint, I think I fell in love with her a little more. I could be in real trouble here. :)
Side note: In talking with Jason I found out I unwittingly embarrassed him at a High School outing in front of a girl he was very interested in at the time. Evidently, it was so thorough that he didn't stand a chance. He can finally laugh about it now. I had no idea. Oops.
Sunday, June 29, 2008
Love, romantic movies, and chivalry...
So let's open on a standard Hollywood romantic comedy. The girl, awkward, falls for our dashing hero.
Our dashing hero makes a sweeping gesture that makes all the women in the audience go "awww".
But if it happened in real life from a guy she'd known such a short time, the title would be changed to "While you were sleeping...I filed a restraining order".
So where is the disconnect? It is amazing to look at how Hollywood distorts things after you have realized it, and see both how it affected you, and how you unknowingly applied it to your own life.
In my instance, I have been a hopeless romantic since I figured out that girls didn't have cooties. Or, if they did, I wanted their cooties.
Ok, that sounds dirty. Forget I said that.
I would hear of how girls melted over the latest romantic situation set up by hollywood, and I would plan.
The thought was to give them the experience they seemed to idolize in films and such, they would react like the movies they idolized.
Needless to say, I would creep them the f*ck out.
This is not to say that I emulated what hollywood shoveled out like a mindless consumerist automaton.
The error creeped up not in my desire to be a romantic, but in my application of those desires.
So, in my desire to NOT scare women off, I've squashed my desire to apply romance to any of my attempts to start a relationship.
Since doing that, all the material I've read, and the issues from my first relationship, point to the fact that such grandiose gestures give the impression as to being a bit of a doormat, leaving most women with nothing left to respect. No balanced girl would want to be in a relationship with such a person.
Now that I am in a relationship, it's hard to allow those muscles to be flexed again. I have a girl that seems to like spending time with me, and I with her.
I do want to express it, but I have problems putting my guard down and showing her, for fear of scaring her off with something too big.
So, in short: women need to make up their minds when it comes to expressions of initial interest and romance. Either go for the big gestures, or don't.
But stop messing us up.
Pick one.
Either you continue to point to romantic comedies and such and not get freaked out when it happens to you, or stop propping up these contrivances of actual romance.
Another thought is: where does chivalry fit into all this? And I think that deserves a second exploration.
Chivalry is not what you do to impress someone. Chivalry is when your hand is forced into doing a particular behavior that benefits someone else not out of a desire to impress them, but out of a sense of ethics and honor.
Every time I open a door for what turns out to be a radical feminist, and she responds with "I could have opened it myself, you pig" or the like, I feel like spinning them around and explaining that I'm not doing it for their benefit. It is my part in making for a more polite society, and if they don't like it, I've got a finger for them.
It's 2AM. I miss her. 'Ay me, sad hours seem long'
Ok, side note: I've never had a song make me want to buy a video game. But I might just go get Endless Ocean because of this song. The games I've reviewed seem to tell a story of a game that is just as beautiful as the song.
Our dashing hero makes a sweeping gesture that makes all the women in the audience go "awww".
But if it happened in real life from a guy she'd known such a short time, the title would be changed to "While you were sleeping...I filed a restraining order".
So where is the disconnect? It is amazing to look at how Hollywood distorts things after you have realized it, and see both how it affected you, and how you unknowingly applied it to your own life.
In my instance, I have been a hopeless romantic since I figured out that girls didn't have cooties. Or, if they did, I wanted their cooties.
Ok, that sounds dirty. Forget I said that.
I would hear of how girls melted over the latest romantic situation set up by hollywood, and I would plan.
The thought was to give them the experience they seemed to idolize in films and such, they would react like the movies they idolized.
Needless to say, I would creep them the f*ck out.
This is not to say that I emulated what hollywood shoveled out like a mindless consumerist automaton.
The error creeped up not in my desire to be a romantic, but in my application of those desires.
So, in my desire to NOT scare women off, I've squashed my desire to apply romance to any of my attempts to start a relationship.
Since doing that, all the material I've read, and the issues from my first relationship, point to the fact that such grandiose gestures give the impression as to being a bit of a doormat, leaving most women with nothing left to respect. No balanced girl would want to be in a relationship with such a person.
Now that I am in a relationship, it's hard to allow those muscles to be flexed again. I have a girl that seems to like spending time with me, and I with her.
I do want to express it, but I have problems putting my guard down and showing her, for fear of scaring her off with something too big.
So, in short: women need to make up their minds when it comes to expressions of initial interest and romance. Either go for the big gestures, or don't.
But stop messing us up.
Pick one.
Either you continue to point to romantic comedies and such and not get freaked out when it happens to you, or stop propping up these contrivances of actual romance.
Another thought is: where does chivalry fit into all this? And I think that deserves a second exploration.
Chivalry is not what you do to impress someone. Chivalry is when your hand is forced into doing a particular behavior that benefits someone else not out of a desire to impress them, but out of a sense of ethics and honor.
Every time I open a door for what turns out to be a radical feminist, and she responds with "I could have opened it myself, you pig" or the like, I feel like spinning them around and explaining that I'm not doing it for their benefit. It is my part in making for a more polite society, and if they don't like it, I've got a finger for them.
It's 2AM. I miss her. 'Ay me, sad hours seem long'
Ok, side note: I've never had a song make me want to buy a video game. But I might just go get Endless Ocean because of this song. The games I've reviewed seem to tell a story of a game that is just as beautiful as the song.
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